YAY it's summer. wait...yay? wtf.

for me that means sweaty clothes, horrible dehydration, headaches, clothes that never fit, and overall sadness. BLAH, already today I nearly fainted 'cause I didn't realize it was that time of year already where I had to drink a ton of water. I still feel somewhat nauseous, but I'm better now that I've taken a nap and put some cold compresses on to lower my body temperature. what the hell, am I secretly a reptile or something? It's gonna take some time getting used to this again. >___<;;


regardless, this weekend was pretty enjoyable. I forsook working on stuff to just...have a bit of fun in the warm weather, and I don't regret it at all. I just wish my body didn't react so violently to the heat, I'm sure I would enjoy it more.


pat and I saw Falstaff yesterday at Julliard, and I thought it was a pretty decent performance. I expected more from Julliard, but overall it was an enjoyable opera.

so...funny story 'bout that. pat got tickets at opposite sides of the theater by accident, so they were VERY nice and gave us house seats together, which were actually better seats anyway. during one of the intermissions, we overheard someone talking behind us about...get this: a batman and superman opera that he was working on. he was describing how he wanted the pamphlet to include a comic book of the story, and how he was looking for cartoonists for it. me and pat just started cracking up at the irony of it all. we exchanged information, and we'll see what comes out of it. it seems interesting enough. he's playing batman, and you can tell by his speaking voice that he was an incredibly talented baritone. it won't happen for another few years, but it's just...so funny how fate works sometimes. :D lol crazy stuff.

other than that, I'm attempting to work on Kakapo some more. I still have a lot to do...I know I'll finish in time, but it's gonna be a long and stressful week. I have two huge finals on wednesday. o___o;;;

haha, I stress out way too much. I think if I didn't, I just...wouldn't be me, though! lol :p

went to Pearl, back in action somewhat...just need to keep concentrated now.

where has my famous German efficiency gone?? I've lost it, otherwise something like this would have never happened...damn. the sloth has seriously become my vice lately.


I don't know how much longer I can go on living in two places at once, it's really causing a lot of problems. one of my friends is looking for a roommate...I would love to room with edwin and tae, the two best students in the cartooning and illustration majors junior year...it'd be awesome, and they're so mellow and nice, they're good friends. and if I could get aj to room with us, that'd be so much fun and so great and they're very good at working, we're all like minds. but I don't think I could afford 500 bucks a month for it...cheaper than dorming, but still. ARGH such a perfect opportunity, but I could never do it. It's...not fair. :(


( previous rant... )

13 dead in Binghampton--oh shit that's where Kirstie is---

I woke up to this news and right away attempted to contact my close friend, and didn't receive any reply until 5 hrs later. She was up in a plane flying to Maryland, thank god. her house was only around the corner from the building...it was such a scare. I'm so thankful she's okay, and I know she wouldn't have been a target anyway, but it was really close to home, and I'm glad for the luck that she was leaving for her spring break.

so that was my friday, other than that, nothing new going on.


but in other news...I've been doing pretty well lately, psychologically speaking. 'The pill' I'm taking now is controlling my hormones, and I guess that was my main problem, because ever since I've been taking it I...really CAN'T get in a bad mood. IT'S SO GREAT!! I've never really felt like this before...it's really nice.

even last sunday, on the 2 year anniversary of Daddy's passing, I was...okay. I was sad, but I was fine with it. I think I've more or less come to terms with the fact. I still think about it all the time, but it's better now.

mom's doing really bad. she's finally completely lost it, and is apparently back in the hospital. It's about time, she should have never been released. I'm not upset about it, I'm really glad about that fact. that home was horrible....I don't like visiting her, wherever she is, it always smells so strongly of death.

Uncle Glen's been harassing me a lot lately. more than usual. he comes to me out of the blue to do a logo for his soccer team, and simply won't stop harassing me about it. I never asked for this. and whatever I do he's not happy with, it's so aggravating. but whatever.



despite all this, I'm doing fine, really. pat and I have been doing better than ever since this week...it feels like when we first started going out, and it makes me happy to be happy with him again. I miss him again, and I'm glad to be with him again...it's good, I was worried for a while.

classes are doing fine since I talked with Triano and he helped me immensely with Klaus' work, he'd really make an amazing teacher someday. surprisingly, this person that everyone seems to dislike has helped me the most. I've never had a problem with him, but many people don't like him. They're put off by the fact that he is not here to make 'friends' but really I can understand that, I had that view for a while too, and still do to a large extent. he has foul language, is a womanizer, and has quite offputting dirty comments, but it's an interesting tamber to the otherwise regular talk of the studio. maybe because he seems to like me well enough, he has helped me a lot by his own choice. I never asked for it, and refused it, but he persisted in helping me and I gave in and I'm really glad for it. I have more confidence now that I can do well in that class. I wonder why he chose to help me, this person who is said to be so refusing of social relations, but I don't really care. perhaps he saw that I was talented, and his friendship with Klaus made him insist to show him that I wasn't as bad as klaus thought. I'm not sure. Is he my friend now? well, perhaps as close to friendship as he is willing to get with someone, and I'm glad for that. HAHA I hope he's not after my pants. XD;; I don't think so, though. lol


and, well, I guess that's it. Pokemon Platinum has taken up most of my spare time...GAH I gotta get to work!! haha, I better get to it, then. XD;;

Alles in der Welt Lässt sich ertragen,
Nur nicht eine Reihe von Schöen
Tagen.

-Goethe: Weimar, 1810-12.

'nothing is harder to bear than a succession of fair days.'


haha it's like this quote was made for me. while I have begun to conclude this on my own, it is interesting to see the quote in my Freud book, and with an all-too-familiar explanation.

why is this? I have nothing and no reason to gripe harshly about my recent life (save for my mother growing much worse lately), and yet I remain displeased and unhappy with a number of things. The answer is that it has been an extended succession of fair days, namely just about a year or so things have been fine. It is namely human nature that, "if a man thinks himself happy merely to have escaped unhappiness or to have survived his suffering, and if in general the task of avoiding suffering pushes that of obtaining pleasure into the background." It is not a feeling of unhappiness, it's just not a large enough contrast in order to produce the feeling of happiness. It is curious. It produces an odd void, like something should be there but there is no reason for it to be there. Logically one would say it makes no sense, but it is the there and that's what it is.

I have felt this for a while now, but only recently have started to realize what it is. It is so hard to describe, but this is the best I have gotten to doing that. haha this stupid reading assignment has some perks, I suppose. Regardless, that is on page 26, for my own note purposes.


Now for an entirely unsmart topic:

HOLY FAK NARUTO!!! seriously epic. liek whoah, whoever could have predicted that is a genius. Bleach is gettin' pretty epic too, but has gotten entirely too predictable and not enough new stuff is going on (still awesome though) but after Kishimoto pulled this and other recent events on us, I don't know how Bleach could ever hope to top it at this point, though I still love it dearly. XDD <3

people are saying that the two series' may be ending soon. I don't know what the definition of 'soon' is here, but judging the enormity and the 'this is a near conclusion aura' of these arcs, I can't see many more in the future. So while soon is most likely an understatement, it is certainly not to be regarded lightly and could hold truth. of course it may be altogether ridiculous to assume they'd end it in the near future. but who knows?


BLAH what am I doing on here, I should be reading/inking/drawing/anythingbutthis. o____o;;;

GOD I really don't want to do anything more from Klaus. T____T;;; the amount of crap I gotta do for this class is stupid, and I KNOW I'm not even gonna get a good grade no matter HOW hard I try to make it good or how much work I put into it. and it's all my fault for switching into it. FAK. >_<;;

Finished reading The Golden Compass earlier today for Fantasy class, and it was the first time in a long time that I wasn't able to put a book down, and regretted having to sleep at some point in between it lol.

such an amazingly beautiful story and wonderful characterization! Pullman is an excellent writer, and I really want to read the rest of the series at some point soon.


so of course after I finished reading it, I was curious about the movie I had not yet seen, and so I did. and, well...umm...what?

ok so it was pretty and all (though I was watching it through cruddy streaming internet) but I would LOVE to know why such an amazing book with SO much potential could be turned into such a disappointing movie. they annoyingly altered the story and rushed everything to death. How could it be that such a deep and complex character like Lyra could be turned into...well, nothing. they gave her no room for her character to show through. even I started to forget the kindness of the gypsies or how strong the bond is to their daemons and the like, they barely skimmed over it! god forbid you didn't know the original story before watching this thing, because it was a completely disgraceful display of storytelling. even I forgot what was supposed to be going on at times. they paid so much more attention to their two adult stars that they neglect to give proper due to the story's main character?!? freakin' Hollywood. idiots.

and don't even get me started on the ending. what...the frick. that's the whole climax of the damn book, and you neglect to even include it? GAH!

I hope the sequels never get made. T___T


Rant aside, because of course this is an awesome coincidence: Lyra? HELL YEAH. I couldn't help but feel even closer to the character and the book because of that silly little name connection with my own Lyra. :D <3 haha but that was obvious. and in my defense, they DO have some similarities, as do their worlds. so yeah, that was pretty cool to see. lol :p


Speaking of books, I think the Fourth book in Rob Thurman's series is out. I'm gonna try and get out on my bike tomorrow to see if I can find it! I'm very excited. :D <3

saw Watchmen today with pat, it was pretty good.

honestly I can't complain much, and people who do are...well, let's just say you're probably not gonna get a more faithful adaption of a graphic novel EVER, especially nowadays. yes, crappy music choices, zach snyder was himself SOMETIMES but you can tell he held back a lot thankfully, CG wasn't too too great but passable, but overall it was better than I anticipated. I was ready for the worst lol. I don't know what people would think if they haven't read the book to understand it completely, but it really did follow it to a T, and considering how packed the novel is, they showed pretty much everything in the movie and it was pretty easy to follow, but again I'm biased since I know it inside and out.

and...I like this ending better. MUCH better. sorry space squid.


in other news, I'm home now for spring break and so happy about it. I missed being alone, as weird as that may sound. It has nothing really to do with pat, I just like having time to myself. I am looking forward to a week of just quietly working on stuff and having Jazz as my only company for a while. <3

I got a stereo iPod dock thing for myself ('cause my computer can't run photoshop/programs well when it has the iPod playing) and it's AWESOME. I've been listening to my computer and crappy radio for so long that I forgot what songs sound like in an ACTUAL, nice stereo. I love it, it's so fancy. haha to make the alarms snooze all ya have to do it wave your hand over it! it's nifty, and I'm happy I got it. :D <3

but yeah, it's good to be home. iizu, can I come to Brown's on thursday if everyone's going? I haven't gone since august, I would really love to hang with everyone while I have the chance! ^__^ <3

I guess this is just a rant, but really more like procrastination on my work. lol


Does it matter what I like? I have found that there is harsh judgment on people who like this or that. The negativity exuded constantly has made me realize that everything I used to like, or most of it, is a hated thing to me now. Upon reflection, yes, these are silly things and do not deserve much praise. I see why the negativity is there and understand it completely, which is why my love for these certain things has dimmed.

but these things were what I LOVED. and now I don't. so what do I like now? these were what made me and what I took so much enjoyment out of. I have nothing left to like. and if I found something I liked, I found that it is equally ridiculed and I understand why so I do not like them as much as I would have.

but that doesn't mean I still don't like it. so what if it has this or that problem, or it is stupid, or not 'funny' or not 'well animated' or not 'original'?!? I LIKE IT. why must I be constantly berated for that? reminded of its impotence? it is not fair...I do not do this about things I don't like when I know others do. so why do people do this to me all the time, to the point where I don't know what I like anymore? it isn't right, and it is quite frustrating.

why must some of us feel ashamed of what influenced us? because it is not the best? but nothing is the best.

you know what? I happily admit that I still read the works of kishimoto and especially Tite Kubo and I LOVE their work. they are amazing artists who have greatly influenced my work and that's that. so what if they have problems with clarity, or this and that? I don't think they're that generic at all, their work is beautiful and shows amazing compositional skills. so there.

this is not only in terms of art, but of pop culture. yes, things I liked aren't that good anymore, but they still are to me. why should I be afraid to laugh at Family Guy? why should I be ashamed to still love Heroes? it is things like this that annoy me. why can't I just like the things I like?


as I said, my love of these things and more others has dwindled, and that makes me sad. I have nothing to love with a passion...I do not know what to like anymore.


well...I still have Pokémon. and no one is gonna take that away from me. T___T

Kakapos are such doofy parrots, I luv them. I would gladly have one as a pet, but there are only 90 left in the world and that makes me sad. :(

anyway, I guess I don't have much to say.


umm...valentine's day was nice...blablablah...I work a lot...OH except not at Starbucks anymore. yeah, it was too much with the new extended hours rule, and school comes first, so yeah I don't work there anymore. :(

I had pulled an all-nighter on sunday for not much reason I discovered...I thought I had to have up to page 12 finished, but...well, that was due next week. so I did 6 pages for naught but now I'm all caught up and even ahead, though they're not too great so I dunno. :(

I had also read an entire book in one night for naught...apparently that, too, was due next week.

soo...because I'm an idiot and can't do math or reasoning, I am now pretty ahead of things.

I'm...not sure how I feel about that? I'm glad to be home this weekend and can relax a bit at home with my kitty. <3

and that's about it.

oh crud it's already, like, 10:30 and I did like no work today. awesome.

went to see the James Jean show today with shannon, ariel, manuela (who we ran into), and...that's all the people who showed up to my event, but it was a TON of fun. it was like a girl's day out, I feel like I never get to do things like that at SVA, most of the people I hang out with are boys or pat. he doesn't really count as a boy. he's...just pat. lol <3 it was really nice for a change, I really needed that break from everything. and the gallery was awesome...I'm leaving it at that, 'cause I don't wanna go on a whole essay 'bout it. lol XD;;

why did I title this flying...I know I had something to say...uh, I dunno. I forgot. o____o;;; oh yeah, about how time is flying by. it has little wings and a lizard body covered in warts and a lion tail with a hawk's beak coming out of it's back. yes, that's what time is like right now. :D


I don't want to draw this stupid hovercraft anymore. T____T;; good thing this scene is just about over...bah! :p


I can't wait to use my nice new awesome Senellier watercolors!! <3 <3 <3 ^___^

so omi scares me from behind unknowingly today while I was working and says, "oh my god why is it so ugly?" and I'm just like "lolwut?" XD;;; oh dear. here I was actually pretty proud of it, and people wonder why I never think my stuff is any good! XD!

but anyway, I got up early for not much...got less done today than I'd have liked. splash page is not pleasing me...gotta re-do a lot of the comic in general...I just need to loosen up both my drawing and myself...BAH.


I'm gonna get up super early tomorrow to go to the city because, well, needless to say I don't want to be home for the inauguration. I hear so much shit about obama at home it's just ridiculous. Quote from Opi, "...and there will be a seeeaaa of blacks!" LOLWUTTT???!?! >__<;; so yeah I want to be in the city, cheering in the streets with everyone, because damn it BUSH IS ALMOST GONE!! It's a happy time and a historic time and the excitement in the city is just electric. here it feels like...I dunno, a beloved pet has just died or something. T___T;;


...I'm so tired...I've been stressing out about catching up a bit too much...>___>;;


I watched Marley & Me today through watch-movies.net, awesome site, cried like a baby, and felt a bit better for taking a break. gah I want a dog so bad. I still love Jazz, but I mean...hell, if any of you have met my cat, you know what I mean. T___T;; lol XDD <3

HOLY CRAP I'M GONNA DIE.

I know I always say that, but...like...this is serious business. srsly.

I may have bit off more than I can chew, but...if I persevere, I know it will be completely worth it. The teachers I have are incredible...or rather, the classes I switched into.

first is Klaus Janson's principles of cartooning class. this class is killer and klaus will kick your butt, but it is the best class I've ever been in by far. we're doing a 21-page story, and I'm already behind, but with the help of kim's awesome writing skills I think I will manage to catch up in no time. I'm really dreading/looking forward to it. its hard to describe. ^___^;;; but yeah, klaus is freakin' awesome. :D

now I sat in on it today, and I think I'm going to also switch into the Fantasy class. haha I bet kim's rejoicing right now. XD;; its a great class, but is known as one of the hardest--the teacher's the chair of the humanities department!! with at LEAST 1-200 pages a week, it's no walk in the park. still, it's a lot of fun. the only thing I'm worried about is having time to do all that reading. @____@


my other classes are the usual death traps and whatnot, but I enjoy all of them. yes, it is a buttload of work and I don't know how I'm gonna survive. but if I do, it will be rewarding....I just want to make my time here worthwhile. :D lol

so I finally finished watching Avatar and I have one thing to say:

....soooo....now what exactly happened to zuko's mother? forgetting something? >____>;;;

whatever lol, it was still amazing. and I'm sure she's fine or was just in a cell or whatever. maybe she's dead, who knows. WE DON'T. T____T *shrug*

but...seriously. why bring it up and then snuff it out so quickly? blah. random.


it was fun just watching a show nonstop again like in the old days. especially one this good. true, the fans are a bit too over-enthusiastic, but oh well that's everywhere nowadays. at least it was for something as genuinely good as this.

plus, I've really learned a lot from the style...I need to study expressions and characterization more...I can learn a lot by looking into how they pulled off an unoriginal idea and made it completely original. a true feat. and an amazing series...I wish I had listened to iizu and everyone and watched it sooner. but now I have, so...there? lol

^_____^;;;


oh, and happy new year? lol I don't really care about that though. XDD;;;

umm...a resolution? as if I'd keep it, but I guess I'd like to try and be more considerate of others. 'cause frankly, I've become quite apathetic to social situations...weird how that happens. I just don't care! haha, this resolution may be hard to do...'cause I really don't want to! hahaha...ah...darn.

I guess what I mean is, that I am content with my life now. my real resolution...would be to stay this course and never give up bettering myself. I still have a lot to learn, but that's what life is there for.

but I'm happy now...in the end, 2008 was a life changing year in many ways. once again, I feel like a different person somehow. let's hope 2009 will end up being good too. ^__^

ahhh......s'all goood. <3

haha just motivational talk to myself not to freak out...it's almost over!! :D

I'm in the DIC finishing up my watercolor homework for my 12'oo class, and just smiling 'cause I don't have as much shit to do as the 20+ graphic designers running all around me like a chicken with their head cut off. HAHA. XDD <3

I love Christmas season. <3 <3 <3

They call it Black Friday, but it didn't feel like it at all today.

I mean it was mildly busy, but no more than it would have been at around rush hour, if even that. So the economy is really that bad, huh? well...shit.

Good news is, omi and I went out and got a few things for Christmas at some really great deals. A really nice new long coat for under 70 bucks, and my favorite happy fun-time gift: a draftsman's table for under 90!! I couldn't believe it. It's a really nice one, too, and it's the perfect size for my room. I can't wait to use it!

thing is, the deal was that I could start using it now only if I clean my room. which I desperately needed to do anyway...once again, ya can't even walk in it, and I needed to clear out a bunch of space for it of course.

SO I undertook this task tonight....completely underestimated it, and now my floor is as messy as ever. I have so many things I need to reorganize it's ridiculous. however, I got a lot done already, and I know it's gonna be completely worth it when I finally finish. I'm gonna work on the bulk of it tomorrow though, since I don't have work and will do all that fun stuff then. I can't wait 'till I'm done! It's gonna be aaaawesome.

I also went to the Witch's Brew today with Iizu and Sam, and that was a lot of fun. I missed them, and I really needed to get out and be with my friends alone for once. lol <3

haha...I find it kinda sad that I'm so excited about something I will use for work...but really, I did need it pretty badly. I'm looking forward to being much more efficient after I'm done. I'm actually excited to do my work, and that hasn't happened since the beginning of the year. It's a nice feeling. ^___^

so...this weekend was pretty cool.

We saw Bolt on friday, and it's actually pretty good, and very funny. too bad it wasn't advertised that well...it's a very good movie that I'd recommend highly.

On saturday we went to see the Electric Six, and it was AWESOME. I rarely get to go to concerts, and it was a ton of fun. Their local band, Fall On Your Sword, who opened for them were actually a lot better than Local H, who were the minor headliner to E6. I have their demo cd(free!) and we got put on their mailing list, and we look forward to going to see them when they play next in the area. they were no comparison to the more popular band Local H, which had no talent and they were simply a rude one-hit-wonder, and most people who were especially there for E6 just wanted them to be done, and some even booed. ugh, they were hard to sit through. they loved feedback waaaaay too much, but hey, they couldn't play for shit, so I guess that works for them...Nirvana wannabees. XD;;;

Electric Six is freakin' AWESOME in concert. They know how to put on a show...it was just a ton of fun, and they sounded great. OH most of you will probably recognize them from the song "Gay Bar" and "Dance Epidemic" etc. they have a lot of hits, but Gay Bar, while not their 'best', is probably the most popular due to the internet and fan-made videos done to it. Their humor was obvious, and the vibe was pure fun. their enjoyment was infectious, it was great.

It was a long concert, it lasted for around 5 hours. It was definitely the most fulfilling concert I've been to, and for 20 bucks, it was incredibly worth it. overall, it was a really great experience, and I'm so happy pat took me. <3


however, now I'm paying for it. I have a ton of large assignments that got put on hold, and little time to get them done due to work. haha...well whatever, it was totally worth it. but yeah, I better get started on that if I want any hopes of finishing on time. oh well, that's college life for ya. lol XD;; <3

because I couldn't help it, I just HAD to geek out and get this out of my system.



PH33R mah Pokémans of DOOM!!!!!

I love my team right now, they're the best! they have the weirdest moves. for an example, Emo knows blizzard! who is Emo? ...can you not guess? rofl. XDD;;; <3 the Flying type is my favorite...I would love to have a team of all part flyers...I had my beloved Gyarados, Zabimaru, on for a while, but...he's kinda useless by now, since my main powerhouse knew surf lol >___<;;


...I really want to cg this...uggg...procrastination hasn't happened to me in a while, but...eh heh...this was way too much fun to do...>___>;;;


....I FEEENISHEDDD!! http://firecloud.deviantart.com/art/Mah-Pokemans-103168243

and on this night, History is made.


I am so incredibly proud of my country right now. what we have achieved...I can't even believe it.


I wish I was in the city so I could scream and cheer with everyone else!!

so Halloween was all right on friday. I may dare to say I had some fun getting dressed up n' such. it was nice, I guess...besides the blisters, annoying crowds, not getting to see the parade at all, abuse by horny drunk men (one guy even hit me saying, "I'd love to tap this blue bitch" and I had to force pat away before he gutted him), going home on a horribly packed train filled with drunks/potheads/high people and sitting across from a scantily-clad claustrophobic psychopath, not getting even an hour of sleep...well, I liked hanging out with friends. we ended the night by meeting up with Hanni and the others, who were in the senior studios working on projects...(I was actually jealous of them lol) and had dinner with 'em. dressing up was fun, and it was the first time I did it 'seriously.' we looked awesome, and so many people asked us to take our picture...so yeah, that was pretty cool. I don't have the pictures with me, because pat had to borrow my camera for the weekend. I'll post them...somewhere...sometime. the makeup took waaaay too long to wash off...I think my pores are still blue lol. but yeah, I'd say it was a pretty decent Halloween despite everything.

Oh, almost forgot. 67 FUCKING JOKERS. That is all.

umm...work was stupidly busy over the weekend...I was really sick and I just wanted to keel over...

got no work done because I still don't feel well, though I feel a bit better than I did this weekend...trying to finish Woodruff's project...that I didn't have time to start until today, and that he gave us 2 weeks to do...fuck. I'm not gonna get to sleep it looks like...again.

I'm planning on getting up at 5 so I can go vote at 6, but it looks like I may not sleep at all tonight...oh well. I feel that it is very important to go out and vote tomorrow, and I am very proud to have the right to even do it at all. people take advantage of their freedoms way too often.

and holy crap I'm glad I don't have to work tomorrow. we're giving away free coffee?? do you know how annoying it is to do this stuff? I'm just glad it's not iced coffee, like the goddamn summer offers...ugh. I pity whoever is working tomorrow...oh man, and our holiday drinks are starting tomorrow too...that's probably why they're doing this...freakin' starbucks. the lot of them are assholes who just happen to make a pretty mean latte, dammit.

......I'm tired.....=______=;;;;

aaand...that's all.

rant time.

I fuckin' hate halloween. seriously. I've always had a mild dislike for it, but no, within the later years I've realized how much I hate it. or rather, I've never liked it. Halloween has never held any good memories for me, and I always end up depressed in some way or another. I don't like candy anymore, and the prospect of dressing up annoys me. I see no point for it.

EVERYONE loves this god damn holiday, and it confuses the fuck outta me. don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to see what the big deal about it is and actually enjoy it for once. it's Pat's favorite holiday (of course) and he's determined to make me have a good time. honestly, I don't see how I can. apparently, we're going to the parade with some friends, and seeing what else to do after and such...I have to OPEN the next morning. there was no way I could get out of it, everyone's already rescheduled for a later shift who could. I do NOT want to get home at 3 in the fuckin' morning and then wake up at 6 to go to work an 8-hour Saturday-death shift. FUCK I HATE THIS HOLIDAY, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONCE.

I would like nothing more than to stay home and work on my insane schoolwork. THAT is my top priority, I don't give a shit about dressing up as a stupid devil and going to a retardedly packed over-hyped parade of idiots. I have no time for this shit, my life can NOT go on hold, I have WAY too much on my plate to do...GODDAMN IT.

I'll try to make the best of it, but I'm pretty sure I simply can't have a good time. I've never had fun on Halloween, and I don't know how I can start now. If Pat can make me enjoy it, he is one helluva miracle worker.

so...hooooow's everyone dooooing?

as I predicted, I rarely go on the computer nowadays, and even if I do, I only check e-mail and maybe one or two sites pretty much. life's been insane like I never thought. If I'm not at school I'm at work, and if I'm not at work I'm doing homework. I feel like I've lost all sense of the outside world.

but that's okay. I'm learning a lot, and I feel like I've become a bit better of an artist. me and pat are doing fine, since he has just as much work. he freaks out about it waaaay more than I do though, which can get annoying, but whatever, there are times when I do it too. I like to think I don't do it that much though.

speaking of reasons for me to freak out. I'm worried about my health, and I reeeally need to see some doctors. I tried to make an appointment myself, since it wouldn't get done otherwise, but it turns out that I can't. what the hell, I'm over 18 and don't have parents! let me make my own damn appointments. T___T I guess I just need to do it with omi tomorrow morning, but then when do I have free time to go? how do I know if I'll be in the city or at home that day? how will I know I won't have work??? because god knows if I'll get any days off from that hell hole.

speaking of work, there are days when ya can't help but hate Starbucks. seriously. what the hell. their new policies, ridiculous new gimmicks, and horrible waste just makes me think "goddamn it I freakin' hate starbucks" sometimes. not a vicious hate, but just a 'what now' kind of thing. I wish I didn't need the damn money so bad.

well...some good things...umm...I dunno. I feel like all I do is schoolwork. I finally went to the 'photo reference' library, and have fallen in love. sorry, pat. rofl it's an amazing resource, I don't know why I never used it before.

last friday was Tom Woodruff's gallery opening, and me and pat went to that. it was...pretty crazy. of course Tom's work was magnificent in person, though I didn't really get a chance to look at the paintings very carefully because HOLY CRUD was it PACKED!!! omg there were waaaay too many Woodruffs in that room, and that wasn't even a fraction of them. being introduced and greeting so many people...tom was right, it is very much like drowning. but it was nice, and it was fun. I wish we could have stayed longer.

umm...and now? well, I just remembered that I have a midterm tomorrow, but I am one of the only people in that class who actually does all the readings, so I should be fine. I heard his tests were pretty easy, but I guess I should still study and re-read about all the philosophers...blah, funtimes.

oh, and I think my iPod died. when I turn it on there's an iPod picture with X's for eyes and a sad mouth with a tongue sticking out of it. so yeah, I need to get that fixed. If I end up loosing my over 30G of songs, I'm gonna flip. T____T;;